4:20PM, Monday, December 16, 2013: Nick Saban is seen sat in a Chase Bank in Tuscaloosa, AL counting fat stacks of cash, smoking a Cuban, cupping a goblet full of 21-year-old Scotch and the blood of a virgin Cambodian girl - laughing so hard he shat himself. 

6:45AM, Friday, December 13, 2013: the body of Bama AD Bill Battle is found at his Tuscaloosa residence in what authorities have deemed a "non-sexually-related asphyxiation" incident. 

10:05PM, Thursday, December 12, 2013: Nick and Terry finish one last meal (on the house) at Dreamland. 

4:01PM, Thursday, December 12, 2013: 225 more assholes from Southern California move to Austin. 

3:40PM, Thursday, December 12, 2013: Nick and Terry sell their $550,000 North Georgia lake house. 

3:41PM, Thursday, December 12, 2013: Nick and Terry buy 3-Trillion-dollar Lake Austin mansion as Austin starter home.

1:56PM, Thursday, December 12, 2013: Pranksters page "Nick Saban Jr." at Austin Bergstrom International Airport. It isn't as funny. 

11:15AM, Thursday, December 12, 2013: Terry Saban buys the Whole Foods in Bee Cave.